Decisions, decisions..

When I got home from the UK, I was feeling a bit desperate to get into my next project.. whatever that may be. However, like most things in life, my plans never seem to work out like I think they will (Yes, you may laugh). I found myself in a situation where I had no control over how I felt or what I could do: Not a happy thought. Feeling helpless and useless and forced to rest and not get involved in anything kind of scared me. I felt like a failure for coming home early even though things kept coming up that confirmed that it was the right decision. I remember several nights talking to God saying, "I don't want to be here! I want to do something that matters, because if I don't, life is pointless.. But I don't want to just do anything. I want the best. I want YOUR best for me.. so here is what I'm thinking: I won't go digging for opportunities and I won't run away. I'll focus on rest and learning who You are, and when You're ready, will You present me with an opportunity to do something?" I don't bargain with God much, and I don't recommend it at all, but I wanted to reassure myself that God will direct me when it's His timing. The more I experience His timing, the less I understand it! Anyways, all this to say, I now have two opportunities and one choice between them. The time in between now and January has given me a different perspective on what would be a healthy choice. For example, it probably wouldn't be smart to go overseas right away again because moving far away would take me farther from the people that have helped to build me up, and it is hard to acclimate to a new culture. It probably wouldn't be smart to go away to school right away because I'm not completely back to normal, making friends scares me like none other, and I HATE HOMEWORK. :) It would be an added stress that I don't need. HOWEVER, God has provided some things that encourage me to stay close to home: I have a job, new friends and old friends. I may have an opportunity to move out (which I would love) in the near future and just have some down time after a crazy year.

Now, back to my choices. Remember what I told God? That I wouldn't go digging? That I wouldn't run away? Well, an opportunity to serve presented itself in April... and has kept re-presenting itself weekly. It's a two year commitment that would be focused on my personal growth, the growth of reached and unreached teens, and would allow me to stick close to home. On top of that, God has also been revealing some new things about His character that have redefined how I come to Him. He has started me on a journey of experiencing the joy of my salvation: Something that I thought everyone else could have, but I never deserved or understood personally.. but now can share with others.


Maybe you're reading this and think I've already made up my mind, but it's not that simple! Or maybe it is....