I hate making people cry.

I am imperfect and second guess myself. I will wonder what the wisest thing to do is when the choice is between a resigned friendship or me needing to defend myself. I think the thing I worry about most is that I'm not seeing things straight... and that any unhappiness is a result of my own selfishness. After wasted time over-thinking and over-analyzing I am reminded that my God is a God of Wisdom, Second Chances, Faithfulness, and wants to use all things to bring glory to His name. I am in His hands and He knows my heart's intentions.. even when they are hidden from outside eyes. He can use this to teach and transform me and bring me closer to Him. He will make something beautiful out of something that is imperfect.

When It's Grey.

It seems that the older I get and the more I experience the less black and white some things become... and you would think that after several successful and failed friendships these past years that I may now have a better grasp on what it means to be a true friend and how to recognize one when I see it. I thought that I would see what the Bible says about friendship so that I can see where my friendships measure up and keep myself reminded. ;)

"An honest answer is the sign of true friendship."
- Proverbs 24:26

"Friends always show their love. What are brothers for if not to share troubles?"
- Proverbs 17:17


"Some friendships do not last, but some friends are more loyal than brothers."
- Proverbs 18:24

"A friend means well, even when he hurts you."
- Proverbs 27:6

"A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses."
- Proverbs 27:19

"Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens his friend's countenance."
-Proverbs 27:17



Some other thoughts.....

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person! Having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out just as they are, chaff and grain together. Certain that a faithful hand will take them and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.
- George Eliot

Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.
– Unknown

A true friend is someone that knows the song of your soul, and sings it back to you when you have forgotten the words.
- Anonymous

It costs to be a friend or to have a friend. It not only costs time, affection, patience, love, but sometimes a man must even lay down his life for his friends. There is no true friendship without self-abnegation, self-sacrifice.
- Anonymous




And on a lighter note:

A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half cracked.

This is all I want:

The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch swing with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've ever had."

Like the Waves.

Sometimes I think prayers are like waves... The tide goes out and you get on your knees pleading for wisdom and answers.. Then the tide comes in and you are overwhelmed over and over with the things He had in store for you all along. Each time is a surprise, each time is a reminder of His faithfulness.

It's Possible.

Maybe what we do when the doors open is as important as what we do while we wait for them...

Tea Bucket List.

Because I am a budding connoisseur of hot, scrumtrulescent beverages and now have access to drink-making contraptions... I have come up with a bucket list of tea drinks that I would like to try while I have the chance. This is going to be GOOD.

In no specific order....
1. Manchester Fog - steamed soy milk with a sugar free vanilla syrup in Earl Grey tea.

2. Seattle Fog - soy misto (½ water, ½ soy, steamed) with 2 pumps of vanilla syrup and one pump of hazelnut syrup, in 2 bags of Earl Grey Tea. Also known as the "No Wang's Special".



3. Dublin Fog- The same as London Fog, only substituting Earl Grey with Irish Breakfast Tea

4. Bangalore Fog - The same as London Fog, only substituting Earl Grey with Chai. Also known as a Bombay Fog.

5. Atlantic City Fog - The same as London Fog, only substituting Earl Gray with Rose Tea. (Created by Alexis V. Juneau at MCB Quantico, Quantico VA)

6. Winter Fog - A London Fog where you reduce the amount of vanilla and add clover honey to taste.

7. Maui Fog - The same as London Fog, only substituting vanilla for coconut syrup.

8. Tokyo Fog - The same as London Fog, only substituting Matcha-based Green Tea for Earl Grey.

9. London Fog- Earl Grey tea with steamed milk and vanilla syrup.

(I have not included names of drinks you find commonly in coffee shops.. because I have already had them!)

Labor Day Weekend.

1. Saw Ryan Styles pull into his driveway.
2. Blew a vuvuzela for the first time.
3. Coco Pebbles.
4. Message on Value... it comes from Jesus Christ.

God is Good.

This past weekend the phrase, "Change me, not my circumstances," was brought to mind several times as I spent time with tons of middle schoolers. I am so thankful for the opportunity to go and see God change and bring healing to the hearts of staff and youth alike. The theme of the week was "Where Do I Find My Value?" and let me say, the kids were not the only ones challenged to evaluate God's place was in their hearts. I have always tied my worth as a person to what I was doing/success in life. Having no goals and no direction meant that I was not a whole person and I have struggled to believe that when I am not "pushing forward" to do things I thought were important, then I am not as valuable. I founded my security on the approval of others instead of the knowledge that God has adopted me as His child; and that reason alone is truly all I need to be comfortable with the opportunities God has brought to me. If I am willing to put ALL my trust in Him then He is going to transform my mind and remind me that His opinion is ultimately the only one that matters, and circumstances are to remind me of my need for His love. God doesn't have to change my circumstances to make me learn and grow and find value... He can change my perspective. He can change all the kid's perspectives. He alone gives worth.... the next step is to commit myself to trusting Him and obeying whatever He has next in store for me.

God is Good.

What You Get.

What I lack in words I hope to make up with quality silence and dependability.

What I am wanting for in expression I hope to compensate with honesty and directness.

Where I miss speaking encouragement I attempt to offset with consistency and support.

When I don't initiate I aim to show that I value your time... but I am always ready to help.

When I don't verbalize my thoughts I'd like to prove that I am trying to find a way to fix your situation.


I don't want to ask for what you will not give me willingly. I don't want share what you don't want to know. If not sharing my thoughts means that I can encourage and build you up, then that's what I'll attempt to do.

I think I just show that I care a little differently than I used to.

Friendship.

Friendship should not cost anything... but I hope that whatever you invest in ours will be returned to you with interest.

I can't be reminded enough. It's NEVER enough!

Romans 8:1-4,15-17

So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit.

So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. And since we are his children, we are his heirs.

Feliz Cumples, Amigo Mejor!

Today is the birthday of a dear friend who showed me the meaning friendship: He was the hands and feet of Jesus. Thank you, Felipe, for your faithfulness, kindness, and heart to serve others. I wouldn't trade my friendship with you for anything and I am so thankful the opportunity to get to know you. Happy, happy Birthday, Best Friend, and may God fill your day and the days ahead of you with the blessings that come from following God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Parabéns ao anos vinte e cinco!

-BestFriend-

Mystery Music

I always like it when a song pops up on my iTunes that I never heard! Today was a good day for mystery music.

Tea Tea Tea Tea Tea Tea Tea Tea Tea Tea.

When I first got home from England, I was drinking a minimum of 5 cups of tea per day. Since then I have cut back and all but replaced my tea addiction with coffee, it's initial predecessor.

And while I drink coffee religiously with much enjoyment, there are rainy days like today when all I want is a nice cup of black tea with cream and sugar. Aaaaaaaah.

God is Faithful.

I saw how He answered a few of my prayers today.... and threw in a few bonuses I didn't even ask for.

1. Flipside was awesome: I no longer feel like an outsider. I got to be myself and God provided opportunities to talk and encourage others. I am SO glad I went tonight. His timing is confusing, but ultimately the best.

2. Someone needed me today. It's so nice to be needed.. I am very privileged.

3. He reminded me that there are people who want to be my friend regardless of how I feel I am functioning as a friend. A simple "Hi, Allie," "Let's hang out," "Everything OK?" or "I haven't seen you around in a while!" can go a LONG way.

4. I found left-over refried beans in the fridge! Tacos for dinner. :)

5. Mom bought a bunch of peaches. I'm sure that eating 5 (or more) a day could be considered as "Overkill," but I don't really care at this point. I was hungry, and they were too readily available to alleviate the temptation that they caused.

6. My full tank of gas only cost $35.77 when I am VERY sure that it usually costs over $45. I have receipts to prove it!


Even though I have many unanswered prayers (Or at least cannot see how He has answered), I am reminded that God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good.

Gingerbread Coffee.

I had some Trader Joe's Gingerbread coffee last night... and it was AMAZING!!!!!!!! I'm going to try to make it myself. :)

12 oz Cup:

3 Tbsp Coffee Grounds
1 Tsp Ground Cinnamon
1/4 Tsp Ground Nutmeg
1/8 Tsp Ground AllSpice
1/2 Tsp Ground Ginger
1 Tbsp Molasses (optional?? We'll see...)

I can't be reminded enough!

I first heard this song at Teenstreet last summer in Oldenburg, Germany. What a great reminder for me that when this world is crazy and confusing, God is constant and faithful!

I can't have both.

Sometimes I think about how I want people to like who I'm becoming, but even more so I want God to like who I am... But I don't think I can pursue both. It's got to be all or nothing, and I've made my choice.

Because You All Should Know.

I sincerely dislike pictures that involve cupcakes! Not as in recipe pictures or magazines... but with people.


Not that it really matters...... :)

Hoy Me Voy

While driving into Bellingham this morning, I rediscovered a really nice song! Great sound, and if you know me well, you know that I love musica latina! REALLY LOVE IT. :)

Some Thoughts for the Evening

1. When someone comments on how closed-minded I am for my faith, doesn't that mean that they are closed-minded themselves for eliminating the possibility of a Creator and a need for a Savior?

2. Who will I still be close to in 5 years?

3. When someone claims to be speaking on God's behalf, they can be very, very wrong.

4. I think I know why when I want to invest in someone, I also want to push them away... What I don't know is how to stop.

5. The lyrics, "The more I see, the less I know" is pretty brilliant... and accurate.

6. Making tea is possibly as therapeutic as drinking it.

Small Gifts.

I don't know how, and I don't know why but when I hear songs like these, my heart 'hears' hope.





They're beautiful.

Mood Swings

I don't know about other people, but my music choices are usually dictated by my current mood. Today this fits.



It can possibly be referred to as an 'I have a two foot personal bubble today and a maximum 5 words per sentence' kind of mood.

ONE MORE BEFORE BED!

Sick glasses!!!!!!!!!!

What a nice way to end the day!

Oh Nylons..... It's been too long!

It's been a long day...

And I'm in need of some cheering up. In the past these videos have always made me laugh.... We'll see if it works.

WARNING:

That's about it! :)

BAR TEST.

This week:

July, 24, 2011

A year ago today was my last day living in Monmouth, Wales. I thought I'd share some memories using some photos I took....


My little room in the Coach House.


Monnow Bridge where I went cherry spitting with Sunhye.



I worked for Monmouth Baptist Church and met some lovely old men who were the best parts of my day.


My little house on Monk Street.


Crazy/wonderful adventures with my room mate, Sunhye. This was our last night together.

She became my best friend. I couldn't have done it all without her!

We also had a visit from some very fun Americans! Anchor of Hope band toured in Monmouth and I was blessed by a certain Miss Anna Weiss.


My team went on an outreach to Cardiff.


I got to explore my FIRST castle: Chepstow Castle. It was brilliant.


A view from inside my church while we were getting ready for some children's ministry.


But really, the best part of my time in Monmouth was making an amazing friend who was just what I needed.

Ready to set sail.... later!

I love adventure... and although I am thankful for the opportunities I have now, I am still waiting for what God has planned. Until then, I'll just wait and prepare myself until God gives me a green light.





I took this picture last year when I was adventuring in Scotland. I loved this boat.

God Ordained Night Owl.

Why is it that God plants thoughts in my head so late at night? For whatever reason, I LOVE IT! It's my time with Him:
My time to learn and catch a fleeting glimpse of His purposes.
A time for me and ask questions.
A time for growing in maturity.
A time to praise and thank Him for pursuing my heart.

Blessed with Less.

You know how it is easier to praise and thank God when things are going well for you and you have what you want? For the past few months I have been making a practice of thanking God for his blessings every night before I fall asleep... I thank him for the people I saw, the friends I talked with, the food I ate, the opportunities I had, and anything else I can of, but what I never really thought about was thanking him for the things I didn't like. Now, this may sound like a strange (or stupid?) concept, but really, give it a moment or two and really think about it. God never promised that things will be easy or good, but He does promise that He will walk us through all situations and use them to bring Him glory and bring us closer to Him. Those are two amazing concepts. In light of His sacrifice and grace, how could I not want to bring Him glory? He deserves more than is possible to comprehend! Considering the smidgen of knowledge I have of His holy and compassionate character, how could I not want to have a more intimate relationship with HIm? If going through rough periods in life and not having all that I think I need brings me those things, what reason do I have to complain or be deliberately thankless of them? Now I know this may sound a tad masochistic and I have never honestly liked (who has?) being put in situations where I cannot truly be self reliant, but I am challenged to be thankful for the things that don't make my life easy. Along side with being thankful for having a car to drive, I can somehow be thankful that it makes terrible noises and is expensive to fix. I can be thankful that even though I feel lonely, it gives me a new opportunity to embrace Christ as my Comfort and Companion. Sure, there are a lot of things that I can't think of a reason to be thankful for and I don't know what God's purpose for them are, but I do know that He loves me and He is still Good. He has Blessed me with Less because HE LOVES ME. I am His child. He is my Father. I CAN be thankful that regardless of my situation, He invites me to come to Him and grow in my understanding of His grace and character. Being Blessed with Less really is a blessing!

Stop. Think. Listen...............................Speak?

I wish that my desire to be heard and understood would be more influenced by my need to consider my words before I speak. I'm sure that more than half of what I say is beneficial to no one and it leads me to think that if I cannot say anything that builds up another in Christ, I shouldn't be speaking at all. It's my hope that I can become a more conscious and deliberate listener.. and a more considerate and thoughtful speaker: both of whom will ultimately reflect the love and compassion shown to me by my Precious Savior.


1 John 4:16-17

"We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect."


All that to say, as I pursue Christ, He will bring the expression of my love to maturity... And isn't a sign of maturity being able to discern when to keep my mouth shut? I would rather be silent and pick my words carefully than speak without thinking. I know I will never fully accomplish this on my own, but I DO know that Christ will develop it as long as He holds me in his hand and lives in my heart.. And He will never let me go. He will never leave me.

Kelly Halsch.

I LOVE YOU. Really, I do!

All to Us

Odd Hobby.

Most people may not realize that one of my favorite ways to pass time is to look up random facts... Today's fact hunt was instigated by a conversation with my friend, Amanda, where she used a common catch phrase.. So I went google crazy and found a lot of fun ones that were coined by Shakespeare. Maybe since I am not very old, I can get away with being surprised. ;) Some are very obvious, obviously. Here are some of my favorites.

A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!

As dead as a doornail.

As good luck would have it..

But, for my own part, it was Greek to me.
(Some days, everything is Greek to me!)

Eaten out of house and home.
(Not gonna happen at my house.... ;)

Fight fire with fire.
(Scissor Sisters made a song from this...... weird.....)

Good riddance!
(AMEN.)

Green eyed monster.

I have not slept one wink.

In a pickle.

Like the Dickens.
(Just a great line in general... nothing to do with Charles Dickens)

Love is blind.
(SO CLICHE!)

Make your hair stand on end.

Night owl.
(If I had a penny for all the times my dad called me this................................................................................................)

Off with his head!
(COOL!)

Send him packing.

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em.
(Did Spiderman/Stan Lee steal this?!?)

There's method in my madness.

Too much of a good thing.




I also found a few that originated from the Bible, so I'll include the ones I thought were not exceedingly obcvious...

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

A leopard cannot change it's spots.

At his wit's end.

Bite the dust.
(And another one down, and another one down.... Another one bites the dust!)

Eat, drink, and be merry!
(I thought this was Shakespeare....)

Holier than thou.
(This may be a bit obvious..)

Pride goes before the fall.
(Duh.)

Put words in one's mouth.

See eye to eye.

Set your teeth on edge.

Skin of your teeth.

The apple of his eye.
(Awwww)

The root of the matter...

Something Beautiful

Yahoo.com

Don't you just love it when you are reading a news article or book and you find spelling and grammar typos?? Yahoo.com, I am willing to be an editor for your columns. You know where to find me. ;)

June 20, 2011

Isaiah 45:18-19
For the Lord is God, and he created the heavens and earth and put everything in place.
He made the world to be lived in, not to be a place of empty chaos.
“I am the Lord,” he says, “and there is no other. I publicly proclaim bold promises. I do not whisper obscurities in some dark corner. I would not have told the people of Israel to seek me if I could not be found."

I just want to fly, fly away!

Sometimes all I want is a new adventure.

His Love Will Not Let Me Go.

O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O light that foll’west all my way,
I yield my flick’ring torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

-George Mattheson

BIRD.

Dear Bird Who Flew Over My Car Yesterday Afternoon,

Congratulations. You are now Public Enemy Number One. I have declared that the little bomb you strategically dropped on my car is an act of terrorism, and as a result, we are OFFICIALLY AT WAR you little monger. You broke our treaty of peace and now you must pay the consequences. I hope you are happy now.

- Future Owner of a BB Gun (aka ME).

JENNIFER CUSTIS!!

THREE MORE WEEKS!!! JENNY IS COMING BACK JUNE 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Addictions

Just a few...

1. Going to coffee
2. Talking
3. Barnes and Noble Books
4. People Watching
5. Craisins
6. Music like this:

Decisions, decisions..

When I got home from the UK, I was feeling a bit desperate to get into my next project.. whatever that may be. However, like most things in life, my plans never seem to work out like I think they will (Yes, you may laugh). I found myself in a situation where I had no control over how I felt or what I could do: Not a happy thought. Feeling helpless and useless and forced to rest and not get involved in anything kind of scared me. I felt like a failure for coming home early even though things kept coming up that confirmed that it was the right decision. I remember several nights talking to God saying, "I don't want to be here! I want to do something that matters, because if I don't, life is pointless.. But I don't want to just do anything. I want the best. I want YOUR best for me.. so here is what I'm thinking: I won't go digging for opportunities and I won't run away. I'll focus on rest and learning who You are, and when You're ready, will You present me with an opportunity to do something?" I don't bargain with God much, and I don't recommend it at all, but I wanted to reassure myself that God will direct me when it's His timing. The more I experience His timing, the less I understand it! Anyways, all this to say, I now have two opportunities and one choice between them. The time in between now and January has given me a different perspective on what would be a healthy choice. For example, it probably wouldn't be smart to go overseas right away again because moving far away would take me farther from the people that have helped to build me up, and it is hard to acclimate to a new culture. It probably wouldn't be smart to go away to school right away because I'm not completely back to normal, making friends scares me like none other, and I HATE HOMEWORK. :) It would be an added stress that I don't need. HOWEVER, God has provided some things that encourage me to stay close to home: I have a job, new friends and old friends. I may have an opportunity to move out (which I would love) in the near future and just have some down time after a crazy year.

Now, back to my choices. Remember what I told God? That I wouldn't go digging? That I wouldn't run away? Well, an opportunity to serve presented itself in April... and has kept re-presenting itself weekly. It's a two year commitment that would be focused on my personal growth, the growth of reached and unreached teens, and would allow me to stick close to home. On top of that, God has also been revealing some new things about His character that have redefined how I come to Him. He has started me on a journey of experiencing the joy of my salvation: Something that I thought everyone else could have, but I never deserved or understood personally.. but now can share with others.


Maybe you're reading this and think I've already made up my mind, but it's not that simple! Or maybe it is....

Because It's All You Need.

I woke up REALLY early this morning!

Psalm 3: 3-5

But you, O Lord, are a shield around me;
you are my glory, the one who holds my head high.

I cried out to the Lord,
and he answered me from his holy mountain.

I lay down and slept,
yet I woke up in safety,
for the Lord was watching over me.


Thank you, El-roi, the God Who Sees. Give me your peace today and remind me again of your faithfulness.

Is it all talk?

People talk a lot about loving freely without fear of rejection or having their hearts trampled on.. and I don't quite know what to do with that. I'd like to be someone who says what she means and has a reputation of being consistent, open, and approachable.. But when it comes down to it, in my heart, I don't want to give someone the opportunity to hurt me. I don't want to be vulnerable. I don't want to give my love freely. My own insecurity prompts me to come across as intimidating so that the people who really care are the only ones who succeed in seeing my real heart. I want to know, "Will they be as invested as I am? How can I tell that they are genuinely interested in my friendship?" Mistakes with people in my past have taught me to be careful with my present relationships. I find that I push people away because I don't trust God enough to protect my heart and be my Security. Sad, but true.

In light of this thought, what does God intend for my heart? How do I develop the ability to love without fear? How do I approach love in spite of my insecurity? Here are a few pointers with my comments included:


Luke 6:35 (New Living Translation)
“Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked."

*Without expecting to be repaid. Without making or expecting them work as hard as me to build a relationship. That's a hard one.


1 Corinthians 13:4-7
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

*Yes, the most famous verse of love, I know. Love is not irritable. Love is patient. Love keeps no record of being wronged. Love endures. Okay, God, I think I'm starting to get the idea...

1 Peter 4:8
"...Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins."

*Wow! Tough! Love even when you get hurt. It sounds pretty obvious, but it's not so easy to make it personal.

Here's the big one:
1 John 4:18-19
"Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first."

*I can love without fear, because HE FIRST LOVED ME. HIS LOVE compels my heart to love. As I grow in Him, so will my ability to love others and trust in His heart.


So, back to my original statement: What do I do with all the talk? Do I go on holding myself at a distance, or do I give in to God's grace and trust that His words will bring me life? I think that all I can do at this point is say, Lord, take my heart. Hold it in your hands. Give me grace to give my love in spite of rejection and an open heart for the people that You give unconditional love to: the kind of love that overcomes fear, anger, bitterness, insecurity, and pride. Let me love like your Son.

One of Those

I guess it's just been one of those days when you can't make anyone happy.. and it's been made very clear to you. :S

Beautiful, beautiful.

I want this to be on my heart all day, every day.

Blessed.

Today I was reminded about God's provision for me.. All glory to Him.

1. My physical therapy bill was waived
2. I have a great new job
3. Someone secretly gave me some money so I can fix my car
4. I have made some new friends
5. Two very dear friends are coming home soon from far away travels
6. I have a lot more energy
7. I have wonderful ladies who are invest in me
8. I can leave the house more than 3 times a week!

:) The list goes on.. Wow.

Bored Again

February through May

I can totally relate!

Thank You, Darth Vader!

"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter."
- James Earl Jones

Good Sunday

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.


-1 Peter 5:7 (New Living Translation)



Words from someone who not only walked with Jesus, but learned to trust after Jesus disappeared. In some ways it can be more difficult to have something and then lose it, then to even know you were missing it in the first place. It encourages me to know that even though Peter had a rougher time of it than I have ever had or probably will in the future, he was still convinced that no matter what the circumstances or how silly and small his concerns were, God the Father always cared. As a child of God, It is true for me, too!

Thank You, RiteAid!

Today as I look like this,



I am VERY thankful for this!



Thank you, , for letting me sleep tonight. :)

Boredom Runs Rampant

And leads me to youtube videos like these.










HELP ME.

God and Coffee are a Good Mix!

Once or twice a week I like to go to Woods and have my quiet time. I bring my Bible or another book, claim my seat, grab some drip coffee, and sit down for a few hours to see what I can learn. I can't concentrate when I'm at home, so if I don't meet anyone I know while I'm reading, I have no alternative but to focus! :) Today was great: I finally finished The Birthright by John Sheasby. Great book. It's all about how God sees me- not as a servant who's survival is dependent on how hard I try- but as His own child; the heir to His unending love and mercy, blessings, and unconditional acceptance. If you had asked me 4 months ago how I viewed my relationship with God I would have told you that I felt like I was walking on eggshells. One wrong move and that was it: I would be a complete, indefinite failure and that God was eternally unhappy with me and my heart. I knew that God loved me, but I had no idea why He would or should. I was uncomfortable addressing God as my Father because I didn't feel like I had the right. How could a great, massive, all-powerful God think it was okay for me to be so familiar with Him and not address Him with all the respect He deserves? It made me think if my relationship with my dad. He is one of the people I respect more than anyone and I am fortunate that I can talk to him as a good friend, but as I've grown up sometimes I have a hard time distinguishing how to address him. Should I talk to him as a daughter? A friend? Translate these questions to my relationship with God. I start to think of Him as sole-ly an authority figure: I feel the need to convince Him that I am trying to please Him so He will be proud of me. It must be hard to be a parent (those out there with kids may be laughing at this..). It's a heavy responsibility to know that the way you interact with your child will influence how your child sees God. I love kids, and even though I am not a parent yet, I have the similar impact on the kids I work with. I came to a conclusion from all this reading and thinking: I am finally beginning to learn about God's acceptance and love for me as His daughter and I hope to be able to translate that to the way I interact with others. I realize that this might sound ridiculous and idealistic, but God-willing I would ultimately want to be the kind of parent/sister/leader/daughter/friend that relates with others in the same way that my Father God continually relates with me (whether I choose to believe it or not):
Intimately,
Full of understanding and no trace of condemnation,
Proudly- despite my 'failures,'
Unconditionally forgiving my mistakes,
Continually inviting me to rest in His arms,
Consistently- regardless of how I distort, distrust, or misrepresent Him,
With a love that is indefinitely motivated by no reason other than because I am His daughter.

No strings attached, no conditions.
Forgiving all hurts without guilt or manipulation.
Being a trusted confidant that always has time to listen no matter how things sound.


That's how I want to live: mirroring to others the relationship God has created with me as I grow in the security that I am His dearly loved child and nothing I do can make Him love me less.


Thank you, John Sheasby.

Thank you, my Heavenly Father.

Thinking Too Much

I wish I was wrong about things as much as I was right about them.. Which is not too often.. And sometimes I wish I didn't think about things at all! :)

What the UK does right!

While I was in the UK I found a few musicians that I had never heard about in the States.. Great sounds.

Pixie Lott

Eliza Doolittle




The Noisettes

When is enough enough?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

The Redeemer

Do you ever?

Do you ever have those moments when you realize what a hypocrite you've been? Or find that you have not made your relationship with God your number one priority? I've definitely had a few of those the past few days.. and I'm always discouraged that I keep failing in that area. I am learning that God does not look down on me with condemnation, but with joy that I am His child. The processes we go through to become more like Jesus Christ can be quite painful, and I don't like pain... But that doesn't change the fact that I need Him to work in my heart.. and give me His.

Hooray!

I AM SO GLAD THAT THERE ARE 3 WOODS COFFEE IN LYNDEN!!!!!!!!!

Philip Benjamin

Sometimes brothers know the exact words you need to hear. I love you, Philip!

Hala Madrid!!!

Señorita? Señorita! ¿Dónde estás?!

I heard that when a lot of people went to see this movie, they cried. When I saw this at Christmas, I cried too... from laughing so hard.

South Hampton Memories

I usually have a song to go with events, so here are the ones from TiM.

Clarification

I'm noticing that when we want something and are really confused as to whether we can have it or not, sometimes God is saying 'No,' or 'Not now,' and the reason we can't tell is because we aren't really willing to accept it or convince ourselves that God will change His mind and see things our way. The resulting answer He provides can be wonderful or awful.. So we can continue to pray that God will change our hearts so we want what He wants for us.

YET- God provides other blessings to focus on. Today I am thankful for spending my day with friends, talks, and coffee. I guess He knows that a distraction can be good medicine! :)


Psalm 103: 2-5

Let all that I am praise the Lord;
may I never forget the good things he does for me.
He forgives all my sins
and heals all my diseases.
He redeems me from death
and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
He fills my life with good things.
My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!

April 15th.

I was told by an eleven year old what day was Tax Day. I find this highly amusing!

Errors

As I look back on previous posts I am quite embarrassed to see typos and grammatical errors. However, since I acknowledge that I have made these mistakes, I no longer feel the need to go back and fix them. :) You may enjoy looking for them as much as I did.

Piece (and Peace) of Mind

His presence changes circumstances and feelings. More than anything right now- that is what I want.

Things to Remember

No matter how hard you hold on to someone, it seems like eventually someone loses interest or goes a new direction. When I am isolated, I can remember:

Psalm 9:10
"Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you."



Part two: When I am feeling misunderstood, I can rest in the knowledge that God knows all of my heart.

John 10:14
"I am the good shepherd; I know my own sheep, and they know me."

Some Things to Smile About

1. I have a new job.

2. Great weather.

3. Learning and experiencing a new found freedom in Christ. I feel like in some ways I am starting my walk with Him all over again. The past experiences that brought me to that new beginning are looking more and more worth the time, frustration, and emptiness. Spending 4 hours in the Word today is more rewarding than ever.

"God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children. And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.” Now you are no longer a slave but God’s own child. And since you are his child, God has made you his heir." -Galatians 4:5-7

April 18

I was really blessed today. All glory to God who provides all things that are good for His children.

1. Visit the girls at VH
2. Coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
3. Talking and laughing with friends
4. Paycheck
5. Nap
6. Best salad ever
7. Some quiet time
8. Phone calls that last only 28 seconds. I'm convinced that all calls should last no longer than 30....
9. Lip synch party

Great Song.

My schedule is wide open now.

A lot of prayer went into the application process and today I found that I have not been accepted. I feel a lot of relief that I have a closed door, but it's accompanied by thoughts of confusion: What am I supposed to do next?? It's great that now I can do anything I want.. and right now, I want a hug.


And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.
-Romans 8:28

For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. - Psalm 84:11

It is my goal to walk and grow in my relationship with Him, and He has promised not to withhold any good from me. This must mean that He considers this closed door as a good thing. I guess that I have a few more detours to go as I get closer to my purpose.




I just had to throw this in:

But, my child, let me give you some further advice: Be careful, for writing books is endless, and much study wears you out.
- Ecclesiastes 12:12

Wishing for Selective Amnesia

I've had the same thing on my mind for the past 8 months.. And no matter how hard I try to move past it, something always comes up to remind me. I wish I knew how to resolve things.

Memories from Grandma's House

When I grow up!



One of my favorite movies... Curly Top!

Baby, Baby, Baby, OOOH!

You know it's going to be a funny day when your mom comes home singing my rendition of Justin Bieber. :D SUCCESS!!

Silence

Silence can be the best or worst thing. Sometime's it's hard to tell which at the moment! It takes a lot of trust to make it work in a friendship.. but when it becomes prolonged it may lead to disintegration and separation. Is it that unimportant that you can let it slide for too long, or is it just the natural course of things? I must say that I'm not a fan of either choice. I dislike the process that leads to not caring or lack of interest.

Not the Crab, Not Alone.

I am slowly but surely becoming a hermit... minus the beard.


I'm glad to have friends who grow with me.

I LOVE

Video chatting with Miss Hannah Newton. :)

Needs Advice.

Any big bro's out there?

My heart hurts.

I miss Lucas.

All these new Romcoms..

Are rubbish. Why bother with them?

Time to get back to Disney... and books.

Waiting for My Turn

I'm never completely sure what God is teaching me in life experiences because they seem so... unfinished. The learning never stops or results where I think it will. I cannot see the full picture, and just when I think I see the 'reason' for something, the lessons or direction changes. His reasons for the 'past' are not fully clear and hints for the future are unpredictable. Sometimes I wish I just had a little peek at what God was planning so I could feel more secure talking about what He is doing in my life. I feel uncomfortable sharing what He is teaching me or where He is leading me because from experience, I know it never ends where I think it will or pans out the way I thought it would. Sometimes I wish the future didn't always have to be a step of faith: I would like a concrete plan once in a while. I know what my heart wants to go. I know that God is teaching me.. but where is He leading? When a door closes, does that mean I have to wait for it to open again? Do I try something different? When will it be my turn to know?

Maybe I never will... But at least I'll learn to trust that He has a master plan. Maybe He knows my heart well enough to know that I love going off the beaten track on my own adventure with Him. If that's the case, what I need are the chances to take a step and the peace in my heart to follow without trying to figure things out on my own.

Something I wish more People talked about.

At times God puts us through the discipline of darkness to teach us to heed Him. Song birds are taught to sing in the dark, and we are put into the shadow of God's hand until we learn to hear Him. Watch where God puts you into darkness, and when you are there keep your mouth shut. Are you in the dark just now in your circumstances, or in your life with God? Then remain quiet... When you are in the dark, listen, and God will give you a very precious message for someone else when you get into the light.

-Oswald Chambers

I miss..

My overseas friends. The ones who lifted me up and took care of me.. I love you guys.

He is the Merchant.

Matthew 13:45-46

“Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a merchant on the lookout for choice pearls. When he discovered a pearl of great value, he sold everything he owned and bought it!"

I never realized before that I am the pearl. I don't have to do anything for God to love me.. He goes all the way to find me. I'm resting and waiting for the day when I fully experience the Merchant finding me.

Before and After

Then in the darkness of this room, You snuck up next to me
You put your hand upon my wound and whispered ‘rest in me’
And there I stepped out of the tomb and into destiny
The rest they say is history
Your grace is such a mystery...

Longest Welsh Word.

I suppose I should have posted this months ago..

llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.

A new beginning.

O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

I've always wanted to spend New Years with my love...

I guess it came true?


Kelly- I'm breaking up with you.

Allie- Were we together?